Love Song

You love music. You have introduced me to so much with your eclectic taste that ranges from NOFX to Leon Bridges to Kaiser Chiefs. For our 20 years together as a couple I made you a playlist of the songs that will always remind me of the great times we’ve had.

“Brown Eyed Girl” by Van Morrison

We had been dating barely two months when you went as my date to my sister’s wedding. I watched you sit in the front pew, patiently waiting for me as I stood as maid of honor. You politely nodded when you were asked when we were going to get married by nosey ass relatives. And when you took me out on the dance floor and Van Morrison came on, you sang “Green Eyed Girl” to me. Damn if I didn’t have to catch my breath when you did that.

“Here with Me” by Dido

One night early on in our relationship we were hanging out at yours and Charles’ apartment in Whittier. I remember the living room being dark and us laughing about the burnt mark on the bookcase because Charles had lit a candle on the second shelf. You told me you wanted to play me a song. You put the CD in the CD player (it was 1999 after all). As soon as the first notes of “Here with Me” started to play, my heart started racing and my hands shook. I had heard this song before. In fact, I had become obsessed with it because it had such an urgent sense of need and romance in it. I’m pretty sure I would have floated off the carpet if it was possible or even had stars in my eyes like in an old episode of The Monkees.

“Better Together” by Jack Johnson

We got engaged in July of 2005. I was so excited for us to get married that I went into full planning mode. Movie themed, candy bar, premiere invites in place of wedding invitations, gold and silver colors, and a Sour Patch martini for our signature drink. You said yes to it all. And when it came time to pick out our first dance song, we both knew it would be “Push” by Sarah McLachlan. But the song that makes me cry every time I hear it is the song you chose to play after we said our I dos. I felt so loved and special because you picked that song.

“Bad Girls” by M.I.A.

I grew up having dinner with my family every night. I love that we have continued that with our family. But you have taken it one step further by adding a soundtrack. You have introduced the kids and I to Leon Bridges, The Flaming Lips, Kaiser Chiefs, and my new obsession, NPR’s Tiny Desk Series via YouTube. I feel this all began when you played “Bad Girls”. None of us could sit still when she started singing in the desert of Ouarzazate, Morocco. I started seat dancing, Wesley jumped out of his chair, and Scarlet even lit up.

I thank every day you’re in my life my love. You have brought music to our lives and my heart. Happy Anniversary Baby. I love you.

Saturday Morning Cartoons: Hi

Hi there. Its been a while. I’ve been adjusting to get up at 330 am for work. My anxiety and depression have been bullying me which has given me an excuse to not write. I lost my mojo, motivation, etc.(more on that next week). Here’s a little good for your weekend:

WE.DON’T.DESERVE.DOGS (or Captain America):

I always feel like the fuckin’ coolest when I know a musical guest on SNL:

We are all this baby:

Where I will forever be traumatized imagining Clint Eastwood having a threesome:

I hope you find passion and happiness this weekend!

 

Favorites of 2018

The other day I was watching an Instagram Story of a music group I follow. Whoever runs the account talked about how they were in an Uber and the music playing was atrocious. They identified the artist and went on to trash the music some more. It disgusted me. We all have our opinions on what we like and don’t like. There are obviously critics out there for everything who get paid to spout their opinions. But this account took time out to blast a fellow artist. There is so much negativity in the world that I don’t understand the need to act like that person did. And in the interest of that, I would like to state instead of doing my best of 2018, I am just going to do my favorites. I would also like to say that there is so much wonderfulness out there that I can’t begin to make a dent in all of it. Maybe you will like what I loved. Maybe you won’t. You can listen to your cousin’s Netflix recommendations during Christmas and try that Netflix show that is a mashup of The Office and Game of Thrones (yes, that does exist) or maybe you can watch Golden Girls again. 

Movies

Incredibles 2-The mid century modern visuals, Jack-Jack and Edna’s relationship (if you don’t know who Edna was inspired by, please go Google it), and a female superhero story set in the 60s surprised the hell out of this mom who only saw this Pixar flick because her kids wanted to.

Mandy-This trippy ass horror film with Nicolas Cage made me laugh out loud while being extremely disturbed.

Spider-Man, Into the Spider-Verse-Isn’t it wonderful when a film lives up to the hype? Even though I am a huge Marvel fan and Spiderman is my favorite superhero, I was tired of all the reboots (no offense cutie Tom Holland). But this animated feature not only showed my kids that anybody could be a hero, it gave us Peter Porker, Miles Morales, Spider-Man Noir (hello again Mr. Cage), badass Gwen Stacy, Peni Parker, and some memorable villains.

Hearts Beat Loud-A small and sweet film with Nick Offerman. It tells the story of the last summer he has with his college bound daughter and the struggles that come with letting go.

TV

Over the Garden Wall-Yes, this mini series from Cartoon Network came out in 2014. But it is worth a viewing if you haven’t had the pleasure. It is magical darkness.

Pose-My favorite show of the year. This chosen family of men and women in the 80s in New York from Ryan Murphy shows it doesn’t matter what sexuality you identify with, family and love are what keeps us together.

Marvelous Mrs. Maisel-So much fun and the costumes are deserving of all the awards.

The Haunting of Hill House-A ghost story around a family that grows up in a haunted house and the lingering damage that follows them into adulthood.

The Curious Creations of Christine McConnell-Christine McConnell is a true artist who can put together a perfect monster house cake, skull ornaments, and Veronica Lake like costumes. And her misfits of pets are hilarious.

Books

Shake the Sleeping Self by Jedidiah Jenkins-I felt a connection to this author who rode his bike from Oregon to Patagonia. He takes an honest look at his life and what he wants out of it. He doesn’t hold anything back as he mulls his sexuality, religion, etc.

A Very Large Expanse of Sea-A YA Romance told from the perspective of a teen Muslim girl that deserves to be read, heard, and seen (fingers crossed for a film!).

To Kill A Mockingbird-I will always be working through classics that I should have read in high school. Atticus Finch is my new conscience.

Music

“Home” by the cast of Pose-I can’t focus on anything but the emotions this song brings out when I hear it. This phenomenal cast (with Broadway icon Billy Porter) is perfection.

Kacey Musgraves’ Golden Hour: One of my favorite albums of all time.

Chvrches’ Love is Dead-lead singer Lauren Mayberry singing about failed opportunities and love still gives me shower singing material.

Happy New Year’s!

My Wish for You

We are told and shown through the media that the holidays are to be surrounded by loved ones, given presents, and eat all the food. I don’t know about you but for the longest time I’ve had this fantasy about having a Parenthood style family:

They are a large loving family with their share of problems but always come together for an outside dinner in a fairytale garden of a backyard with twinkling lights. Here’s the thing. Parenthood was a great show. But it is a show about ONE family (and yes, FICTIONAL). Every family has problems. Some truly love each other. But there are other families that are not so loving. No matter what kind of family you have and the problems that come with it, you are NOT ALONE. I used to get mad when people would say that. If my problems aren’t special, then that means I’m not special and I can’t continue to be a victim. But being a victim gets lonely and tiring. Having someone is a good thing. No matter how many times we tell ourselves we don’t need anyone, WE DO.

As someone who has done a lot of things that she thought she “should”, this is my wish for you this time of year:

To be in the company of those you love, chosen family or not

Go with tradition, create a new one, or fuck it watch television and fall asleep on the couch

Give gifts, get gifts, or toss the gifts out the window

Love Christmas or countdown the minutes to the day after

Decorate a tree with perfectly uniformed ornaments so wonderful it could be in a department store, go with all your kids’ handmade ones (the photos of them as babies making you tear up), or just put up a bare Charlie Brown style tree

Make a giganto feast or order pizza-whatever gives you a plump food baby

Above all, find what makes you happy. You deserve it.

SMC: We Will Rock You Part 2

Truth courtesy of Fuckology

Smashing Pumpkins, Shiny and Oh So Bright, Vol. 1:

“The World is a Vampire” from Bullet with Butterfly Wings might as well be my life slogan. 90s royalty Smashing Pumpkins new release gave me a few new ones (and hello there Mr. McGrath):

Band-Aid, Do They Know It’s Christmas?:

This 80s kid’s all time favorite Christmas song (sorry traditionalists):

Francis and the Lights feat. Chance the Rapper, May I have This Dance?:

Love the original version but Chance makes everything better. Throw in the choreography that my hubby wants us to learn (challenge accepted Sir) and this earworm of a song can live rent free in my brain.

Dumplin’ Soundtrack:

10 minutes into Netflix film Dumplin’ and I was talking with a southern twang y’all. This sweet movie is based on a YA novel about a teenage girl who enters a beauty pageant in protest. There are positive female friendships, drag queens, and a Dolly Parton soundtrack that reminds me what a treasure she is (I’m ashamed I forgot):

I hope you find passion and happiness this weekend!

Saturday Morning Cartoons: We Will Rock You

Because we all need an anthem. Here are a few options to choose from.

Anderson Paak on SNL:

The joy in his performance and the fluidity of his movement. All sealed with that beautiful smile at the end.

The 1975’s A Brief Inquiry in Online Relationships:

Busy Phillips and her Instastories told me to go give this a listen. It got me through my recent reminder. It has humor, a Francis and the Lights like song in I Like America and America Likes Me, and every track could define a scene in a movie. It is an epic showcase of their talent.

The Hannukah Song by Adam Sandler:

I still know it by heart after all this time (it’s been almost 25 years and that is completely unacceptable).

2019 Grammy Nominations:

It has been a great year for music and the Grammy nominees that were announced yesterday morning featured a lot of my favorites: Kacey Musgraves, Childish Gambino, A Star is Born, etc. Janelle Monae’s Dirty Computer was also recognized. It is sexy, catchy, and empowering.

I hope you find passion and happiness this weekend!

A Reminder

I stopped at the red light, careful to take some deep breaths. In through my nose, out through my mouth. The breeze was icy, even though I was sweating under my oversized olive green sweatshirt. I hooked my right foot under the bike pedal, prepared to go. The light turned my favorite color and I cycled off the curb. Once I crossed the street while avoiding the car who had pulled halfway through the crosswalk, I changed my gears to number one.

I started emulating a hamster wheel, feeling like I wasn’t getting anywhere. But as the hill became steeper, I started making headway. It was hard. My thighs and butt hurt. My brain kept repeating how much it hurt. But thankfully my cheerleader was on the sidelines. She told me, “Bitch, you got this! (she looks and sounds like P!nk in case you were wondering).”

I concentrated on close markers. A light pole, an arrow on the pavement, or even just the end of a sidewalk. I didn’t miss the irony of the “No Stopping at Any Time” sign. My brain was still on a mission to get me to stop. “Just because you did it once doesn’t mean you can do it again,” it told me. I kept moving.

I tried to stay close to the ditch to avoid the cars whipping around the corner. But if I got too close to the curb my pedal would smack it. Fallen pinecones from the trees that lined the street threatened to derail me from my ride.

I neared the top. I was tired but knew I wouldn’t stop. I leveled out for about 50 feet and then it got harder until I got to the intersection and had to pump my legs their quickest to make the light. I had made it.

My life is now divided into two parts: before Prozac and after. Everything since I started Prozac has been self-awareness. Anything of importance has a light shone on it. I have learned to not feel bad setting boundaries and sticking to them. I have learned that no matter how much I want somebody in my life out of obligation or love, my happiness doesn’t need to come at a cost. I have learned that being the victim only keeps me standing still and prevents me from achieving life goals. I have learned that taking a job to pay the bills doesn’t mean I’m giving up my dreams, no matter how fucking old I am (the anger and curse words are my fuel). And last but not least, no matter how hard something is, it will be okay (even if P!nk is the one who has to tell me).

And one last thing: to the friend who told me, “I hope you keep writing”, you have no idea what that meant to me. Thank you.

Saturday Morning Cartoons: It’s Okay

Pssst….how are you doing? Hanging out in your childhood bedroom? Hoping your uncle will stop talking about Cheeto Satan? Or are you home alone? It doesn’t matter if you are surrounded by family or not, the holidays can be hard. The family and I went to our local amusement park as is our tradition. We had a blast and had Del Taco for dinner. But that doesn’t mean I don’t long for a Parenthood style feast surrounded by family with lots of laughing. It’s hard not to focus on what you don’t have this time of year. But even if you are surrounded by family who just want to fight or just haven’t found your family yet, we all deserve to be loved and find happiness. The following got me through the week and I hope it brings you at minimum a smile.

John Williams’ new music and look at Star Wars Land

If 10 year old me knew that in my 40s there would be an amusement park all dedicated to Star Wars, I would be trying to figure out how to get Marty McFly’s Delorean. The music and aerial view of the upcoming park brought tears to my eyes.

Lego Movie the Second Part trailer

I am still mad at a mom aquaintance that told me the first Lego movie was stupid. She was stupid.

Lin-Manuel Miranda, “Cheering for Me Now”

Ray of sunshine Lin-Manuel Miranda brought us his second to last Hamildrop this week and it is a love letter to his home New York City in the style of a Broadway showtune.

Homecoming

This new Amazon series with Julia Roberts as a counselor to soldiers at a mental rehab center has been styled like an Alfred Hitchcock film. The creator of Mr. Robot directed all 10 episodes at Julia’s request. Bobby Cannavale is at his slimiest and up and comer Stephan James plays the soldier Julia’s Heidi is trying to help.

I hope you find passion and happiness this weekend!

Saturday Morning Cartoons: Social Media Weariness

My phone has this new shaming feature. Every morning when I wake up and decide to scroll through Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter, it first lets me know how long I averaged on my phone the day before. I won’t scare you with the details but let’s just say I have no business telling my kids to get off their electronics. And if I am being honest, I am tired of waiting for good news to come of the U.S.’s current political state (Twitter), of looking at people’s lives that make me feel like I am a failure in all aspects of my life (Instagram), and waiting for people to care about what’s happening our country (Facebook). The following brought me some happiness this week. 

Detective Pickachu trailer

I am pretty sure I rolled my eyes when I heard this was being made. But when the trailer premiered this week, it surprised the hell out of me. I love Ryan Reynolds and Justice Smith. And all the cute Pokemons! Yes, I am excited for that other animated feature but I loved to be surprised.

Taron Egerton being trained for Robin Hood

I don’t think we really need another Robin Hood film, especially with Ben Mendelsohn as the bad guy. But this video of Taron Egerton as Robin Hood being trained by Lars Andersen has peaked my interest.

Over the Garden Wall series

This animated series can be found on Hulu and came out in 2014. Recently an author I follow on social media recommended it and I decided to give it a shot. Each episode is it’s own little story of brothers Wirt (Elijah Wood) and Greg (Collin Dean) as they try to make it back home after getting lost. It is creepy, sweet, and weird. My husband and I loved it.

Widows

Just saw this yesterday and I was vibrating when I left the theater. It has a heist, a love story, political corruption, and action scenes that will leave you jarred. I told my hubby before I saw it that I imagined it as a female Heat. But I think it might have been even better.

I hope you find passion and happiness this weekend!

Saturday Morning Cartoons: Find the Good

Smile at a stranger. Open the door for someone. Put that shopping cart away that is taking up a spot in an already busy parking lot. Hug the hell out of your loved ones. It’s week number 8 million into this rotten white house administration (they don’t deserve my capital letters) and I plan on finding the good and contributing some this weekend. Love you all.

Panic! At the Disco’s “The Greatest Show” cover from The Greatest Showman:

It’s possible I like this cover better than the original. Brendon Urie’s voice is made for musicals (and somebody please put his butt back on Broadway!)

Queen at Live Aid:

Have you seen Bohemian Rhapsody yet? It is a great film that ends with Freddie and the boys giving their iconic performance for Bob Geldof and the world. They were truly a gift.

Missing Link Laika movie trailer:

Coraline. Paranorman. Boxtrolls. Kubo and the Two Strings. All of these animated features are unique, have heart, and are more than just “kids’ films”. The new movie from Laika Studios is about a creature trying to find his family. The trailer made me giggle.

Tuba cover of Hamilton’s “You’ll Be Back”:

Covers of songs from the hit Broadway show continue to astonish me in the best way possible. Lin-Manuel Miranda himself shared this on Twitter this week and it gave me goosebumps.

I hope you find passion and happiness this weekend!