Posted in Word Therapy

Be Better, Do Better

Holy shit I am tired of thinking about the administration and the man child that is running it. He hasn’t even been in office two weeks and it feels like we are in a disaster movie directed by Jan de Bont. I can’t go on social media without feeling the sweep of depression. All of my favorite people on Twitter are shouting, “Don’t you think we want to stop talking about this?! WE WOULD LIKE NOTHING MORE.” My sentiments exactly.

With that being said I have gone through a transformation since November 9th. It isn’t the stages of denial because I will never accept this as our reality. But the pity party is over. I am still terrified and overwhelmed. But I have also become obsessed with being informed. I can’t get enough of what is happening and the inner workings of what can be done to stop it and how. Catchphrases like “alternative facts” and “fake news” are actually being said by people running this country so I want to make sure I am getting facts straight. I thought I was vocal before but now I can’t seem to keep anything in because I am afraid of the physical effects (which I have had many). I have always been blunt and loud. Now I just don’t care if it hurts anybody’s feelings (at least when it comes to politics). Rights are being taken away at neck breaking speed and now is not the time to be quiet (even on Facebook). After the Women’s March the day after the inauguration, I posted pictures of my family and I there and said if you have a problem with it you can unfollow or delete me. One person deleted me. Buh-bye.

That is another thing. A lot of nonsense used to take up space in my brain. This past week has pushed a lot of it out to make room for the stuff that matters. Stuff I can’t do anything about-gone. Worrying what people think of me-gone. Getting mad about the little stuff-still happening but I work on it every day. I am also making myself a priority, which I know a lot of moms are bad at. But I can’t fight for my kids’ future if I am not okay. I am not talking meditating anymore, I am doing it. I got sick last week and decided to take it easy. Instead of running I walked, did yoga instead of pilates. Went to a movie while the kids were in school. I walk away from my phone more and don’t turn on the news. I am working on another blog post on what I can do as an individual to help with the #resistance. It gives me a sense of control that I need. And hopefully my kids will realize they can do something.

I always used to believe that good won over evil (sheltered and too many movies). But the past three months have woken me the fuck up and made me realize how truly ignorant I was. As a white woman, the privilege I have been allowed made it that I never looked at the injustices of the world. I was aware of them but they didn’t affect me. I now realize how selfish that was. But now that I am awake I am moving forward and arming myself with the knowledge I have. I know that I am on the right side of history and this gives me the confidence to keep going.

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I'm Stephanie, a California girl who is moving forward and not looking back.

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