Even though my fear was telling me to retreat and stand down, I finally did it. After writing for almost four months, I finally broke down and handed 13 chapters of my heart to my husband. He is a great writer. I couldn’t ask for a better editor. He loves me and isn’t afraid to give me blunt criticism. I waited a few days while he read it and tried not to focus on what his thoughts would be.
When he finally did finish, he was gentle. He had good and bad points for me. It helped. A few days later, we had a great discussion about my book. As we talked about what I had so far, he asked me why. Why is this character doing this? Why is this happening? Why does this character have this? Why are these characters doing this to another character? Why? Why? All of his questions were valid. But they made me shake. I became scared. My brain went into overdrive, trying to answer these questions. But I couldn’t.
These questions made me understand why I haven’t been able to move forward in my story, other than a busy May. I have all these events I want to happen in my book but hadn’t figured out how to explain them.
This is just another stepping stone in my journey to becoming a published writer. The feelings of terror, drowning, and doubt are just a sign that I am making my way to something big. That will keep me moving forward.